What can I do?

I've lived in Thailand for almost three weeks now and I'm learning so much about the Lord, this culture, these people and their language. At times I feel overwhelmed but God gives us GRACE for the things He calls us too and it has been amazing.

For someone with the spiritual gift of MERCY, this can be a hard corner of the world to live in. I know that in America some of the same things happen but it is so much more blatant and obvious here. Things like prostitution, beggars, poverty, corruption, injustice and false religion are so visible here. One of the roads that we frequently drive down on our way home from down town has at least five or six very obvious brothels on it. The markets are full of beggars, maimed and crippled, some of them young children. And even in the grocery stores you see Buddhist monks with their orange robes and shaved heads, some of them very young boys, probably about seven or eight years old.

I don't want to paint an over-dramatized picture, there are some parts of the city, like the mall, where it feels totally western with Thai people and Thai food. But the Lord has really opened my eyes to the poor, unlovely, unwanted and ignored people of the world. Like I said before, it's not easy living here seeing these things. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes, especially knowing that this is only a fraction of the human suffering in the world. I want to fix it all, to change everything right now and it is so impossible. It is a heavy burden to bear, the suffering of the world.

But then I remember I don't have to. I've been reading through the gospel of John since I've been here and the Holy Spirit has really highlighted Jesus' relationship with His Heavenly Father. Over and over Jesus talks about how He is doing the Father's will and following the Father.

"...I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me." (John 8:28)

When Jesus walked the earth He didn't heal every single sick person, He didn't raise from the dead every widow's son and He didn't deliver all of the demon possesed. But He walked in obedience to the Father. That is all He is asking of us. This morning I was having a hard time with all of this and I was asking the Lord, what can I do? And it was like He said,

"Listen to my voice and respond"

I don't want to just accept and be okay with the fact that there will always be suffering in the world until Jesus returns but I, we can't live life miserable and depressed because we can't save the world. That was Jesus' job; it is our responsability to follow Him. To take up our cross daily, to die to ourselves and do whatever He asks of us.

We can't do everything...but we can do something.

I made it!!

Here I am in the land of Thai!
I've been here since Saturday April 25th but we just got internet in our house yesterday so this is the first chance I've had to post about my new home.

Right now we are just in the middle of country orientation; learning our way around the city, a little of the language and settling in to our new house.

This is our team with our leaders Mindee and Jasmine
From left to right: Mindee, Sasha, Brianna, Me, Michelle and Jasmine
Front row (all by his brave self, our only man): Jarred
This was during a trip we took around the city that took us to a coffee shop, the zoo, lunch and finally to one of the largest buddhist temples in the area. The picture was taken from the temple - its about 2/3 of the way up a mountain overlooking the city. It was a sobering experience to see such beauty dedicated to something so empty.
This is our front gate - all the houses in our neighborhood have gates around them and most of our neighbors have dogs - the only thing I don't like about living in this country.

This is our little pink house...it's actually not that little. I'm pretty sure it is larger then my parents house back home.

I will be posting videos of the inside soon so stay tuned!

The most meaningful part of our time here so far has been our team meetings together everyday before class. The Lord has been giving all of us vision and passion to see Him glorified in this land so trapped in darkness. We are super excited to join with Him in what He is already doing here. Keep us in your prayers as we continue ajusting and begin learning a very challenging language. Much love!!

Thailand Slideshow!

Here is a slideshow my sister put together for me about my internship to Thailand...starting in three weeks!!

A God that answers prayers...

This week it was demonstrated to me very clearly that I serve a God that answers prayers. On Monday (March 23) I was seeking God about finances for my internship to Thailand and I began asking Him for 75% of my budget by the end of the week (I was at about 50% on Monday). The week progressed and I didn't really think about my request...that is until Wednesday when my Dad informed me of a resource I didn't know about that ended up providing quite a sum of cash. Then I got a phone call about another possibility that could bring in another large amount. These two big events along with some other smaller donations all reminded me of how God ALWAYS provides for His work. If everything pans out like I hope it will - I might be at more then 75% of my budget.
Then I remembered my prayer. My little prayer, prayed out of a heart filled with hope but faith smaller then a mustard seed. The Lord reminded me through this little experience that He hears our prayers, no matter what size our faith and expectation is. And He will answer those prayers and provide for His work regardless of how much faith we ask with. Our God is Awesome and Faithful - He will make His will happen regardless of whether or not we are willing to move with Him but when we are seeking to be aligned with His will - He does amazing things!!

Glory to God!!

Oh so soon...

In case you haven't already noticed I have a little countdown on here to when I leave for Thailand. Now that you have defiantly noticed it (since I pointed it out) - allow me to draw your attention to just how little time is left on it. As I am writing this, it says 45 days.

In the last couple weeks, God has been doing awesome things in my heart and life. Things that have made this trip seem more and more real. It's like I'm realizing for the first time that I am really going to do this. I am going to get on an airplane on April 23 and fly halfway around the world. When I get off that plane, very few people will speak my language and will live life very differently than I do. I will call this new place HOME for the next 16 months as I continue my missionary training and love the people of this land. This dream will only be a dream for a little more then a month.

The closer I get to the Lord, the more He confirms that this is the next step He has for my life. He is calling me to LOVE the broken and unloved of the world through His Holy Spirit's power for His glory. God has been expanding my vision from just going to get more training and doing something about human trafficking to seeing things happen I didn't even know were possible. He is going to do more than I can ask or imagine and I am so excited to see what.

He has also done awesome things in providing physically. Especially in finances. Currently I am at about 50% of my needed support. I am halfway there and even closer to being able to buy my plane ticket (which happens when I reach 75%). When I look at the donation record I am amazed at where the money came from - the Lord's hand is clearly on my finances for this trip.

But with the reality of moving to another country and walking out what God is calling me too comes the reality of goodbyes. If I've learned anything in my short 20 years it is that life is full of goodbyes and often painful ones. Praise the Lord that it hurts though - if it hurts that means I loved fully, I gave of my heart to that person. That is after all part of the reason for our existence isn't it? Loving our neighbor.

So there is another little snippet of my life right now - reality sinking in bringing emotions of excitement and happiness but also sadness and a little bit of fear. Through this roller coaster of emotion and preperation, the TRUTH in the word of God becomes so valuable so I leave you with this today:

"Give THANKS to the Lord, for He is good; His LOVE endures forever!"

Psalm 118:1

Just a few random thoughts on waiting...

Life holds a lot of waiting for all of us. Whether it is waiting for your birthday when your six, waiting in the doctor's office, or waiting for spring, life is full of waiting. One of the hardest "waitings" is waiting for the Lord.
During a recent youth retreat my youth pastor said something that changed me view of waiting on the Lord. He said that waiting on God is not just a passive waiting doing nothing - waiting on the Lord is an active, pressing in, full of faith and confidence that God will come through in His time. A couple days ago I discovered this quote by Oswald Chambers about waiting.
"If our hopes are being disappointed just now, it means that they are being purified. There is nothing noble the human mind has hoped for or dreamed of that will not be fulfilled. One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God."
- Oswald Chambers
So those are just a few random thoughts on waiting on God...

Bring it on 2009!!

Looking forward to this New Year, 2009 holds a new adventure for me, one bigger, scarier and harder then any I've experienced so far. In April I will be moving to Chang Mai Thailand for a 16 - month internship with Bethany College of Missions.

I started prayerfully considering this option last summer when I found out that the Lord had closed the door for me to stay at Teen Mania for a third year. The last four months at home have held a lot of prayer and fasting about the subject. It has been hard for me to take this big step in deciding this but the Lord has been quietly confirming every time I doubt that I should keep moving this direction, that this is the next step He has for me in life.

I’m defiantly excited about this venture but it seems daunting at the same time. To think of raising the budget, being so far away from home and friends for so long, learning a completely different language (and I mean completely different), and just the unknown of what it will be like moving to another culture is all a little frightening and overwhelming. But I'm reminded of the Lord's faithfulness to me and all His children through all the daunting and scary adventures in life.

Psalm 37:25 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.

Because I know the Lord, I can walk forward into all that this new year holds with boldness and courage because I know my life is held by the Lord and He NEVER forsakes His children. So... ...bring it on 2009!